dying hatredness whatever

feel like dying...
feel so vulnerable when things are out of control
i can't make any decision or i dont wish to make it
i want ... i need... i prefer...
but i got no answer from you
not even a news

i hate myself for letting you control me
i hate myself for not strong
i hate myself for so weak
i hate myself for depends someone in love
i hate myself for being materialistic 
i hate myself for letting him go
i hate myself for being stupid

feel so weak after typing those words
hardly to breathe
hardly to think
i guess hardly to dream or love too

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